Used Up

Somehow I feel lonely, which kinda odd at my current circumstances, I guess I developed a lot of pressure from my workplace as well from my family , and one day I convert that pressure to an urge to do something, which can't be done and then I got this feeling of rejection, which made me unable to sleep and thus convert that urge to anger, anger to my self for letting me be so vulnerable...where's the usual me that calm and easy going go? There's a theory that said when we are in doubt an vain, the closest person to us will be the first one that had our burst of feeling. I just remembered a website that be my guidance a long time ago which is made every sense some years back, but became obsolete when I can no longer preserve my inner calm. I want to explode!! but then again I was able to control my temper all of this years...why should I explode for now? gotta reserve inner calmness even if there is a hole within my heart.