panic mode

well, this week is really troublesome, my health is not good at all, plus that I made some misjudgement which result in quarrel between me and Mey, like yesterday I choose to hangin out with my friends then go to Mey's place, so I send a sms to her saying that I'll be at her place soon, but the truth is it ruined, since we go to all you can eat restaurant, it took longer than I expected, plus that yesterday all taxi are GONE, I'm standing 2 hours queuing a taxi, in cold wind...I'm weak to wind..so my fever is getting worst ..once we get a taxi I'm slept, in result my plan to drop by on Mey's place is disbanded, when I got to my room, I'm very tired, so took a medicine and go to bed, and send a sms to mey that I couldn't make it, and in the morning I got 3 sms from Mey that said she is so upset at me and even hate me, it break my heart actually, I envy at her...if she feel something she can just said about anything...but what if I said the same thing? well thats almost impossible, my consciousness wont allow me to do that..and this night is the worse, I still got a little fever, but I push myself to go to Leaders meeting, then I try to call Mey but her cellphone is not active, then I go to Mey's place...but she's not there her sister told me that Mey is nowhere to be found, so I tried to reach her but I just realize that I know nothing about her friends, I'm worried sick about her , and then at midnight her cellphone is active but she won't reply for me, then her sister said that she's on her firends.its a relieve then, at least I know that she is safe and sound.

then I had a lot of thinking, is it just because of me she suddenly "runaway" ? well I can understand if she runaway from me, but at least she could tell her sister where she is, what are we actually? I had a lot of bad day this week, most of it my health, and then this quarrel. its kinda lower my spirit..life can be so complex and discouraging, what should I do? everything I choose seems end up in false state, but then again, I'll do what I must do...daimoku...what else can I do?...I'll face up with my problems tommorow, I won't lose, I may wounded but I still standing, I will fight for my love....well im I worried sick like that I might be in true love?..I really don't know for now